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Nov. 28th, 2010

the car fire...thanksgiving 2010

the car fire, a Thanksgiving that will live on forever in my memory...
I hate Thanksgiving anyways
becoz we *always* have to go to a McGonagle's house
I haven't had Thanksgiving with my mom since about 1985
so, 2010...
the Thanksgiving of the car fire....

the ride to Ann Arbor went fine
Road-Dawg managed well
we had some issues with the bathroom
but I was able to help him and that was fine
dinner was okay
then we all piled back into the Mitsubishi to head home
::Mitsubishi is my dad's SUV he lent us so we would have a good car to get RD
to and from therapy...it is easier for him to get in & out of than a regular sedan::
the red-haired boy was driving
RD up front with him
Jess and I in the backseat

there was light on the dash that kept flashing
and the car was whining
red-hair pulled over and tried to resolve it
nothing worked
RD was agitated and kept saying
"just keep going, we need to get home...keep driving"
not wanting to agitate him further
red-hair kept driving

we made it to the OH/MI border when something flew off the truck near the axle
red-hair pulled off the road
jumped out to check the engine
which still ran and he was able to change gears btw
after looking under the hood
he flies back into the truck and grabs the keys, shouting
"the engine is on fire!...everyone out"
he throws the keys to Jess

Jess and I jump out, get into the back to get RD's wheelchair
so we can get him out of the car
it is raining sleet
we get the chair together, roll it to the passenger door
and
Road-Dawg refuses to exit the vehicle.
yeah
...are we having fun yet?

luckily red-hair puts the fire out
long story short
we get a ride home from an Ann Arbor family member
and red-hair's mom has the car towed back to Fo-troit with her AAA
::meanwhile, my dad is pissed::

so
Friday I pull the Saturn out of the garage
and get it ready for therapy that afternoon
when its time I load RD & his wheelchair into the car
::a process that takes about 15 minutes::
put the car into reverse
and
nothing
it just revs
put the car into drive
nothing
just revs
turn the car off
f*ck
turn the car back on
put it into reverse
and it works
drive
it works
but
we decide to call off therapy
I'm not willing to risk taking RD up to therapy
and then have the car not work

ok so
both cars go to the repair shop tomorrow
yipee -insertsarcasmhere-
 


Nov. 4th, 2010

as it stands now...


well, we survived driving across Ohio for the Social Security Medical Eval for Road-Dawg
I have no idea when we will hear anything from them
people keep telling me, it can take years to get a determination from SS
meanwhile, we are struggling
I don't think our families will allow us to lose our house to foreclosure
but
they are really up my ass above moving
and I just don't have the energy to even entertain the idea of packing for a major move...

we still have no ramp
so I am "walking" RD down the back stairs
a frightening sight according to the red haired boy
the tiny woman, guiding the tall heavy man whose body is half paralyzed
down a flight of concrete steps
well, its what we have to do

and while I can see physical improvements
I do not see RD's mental state improving much
he falters around me
but when is around other people, its like he tries harder
and he def comes across as "not so bad" aside from his struggling for words
maybe he uses all of his energy to "look right" for others??
but I have seen him
fumbling with his iPod when the phone is ringing
or settling into a numb daze in his chair
having no idea what I'm talking about at times
etc

I am apathetic about the future now
and as I waffle between hopelessness and super woman
my anxiety has reached a strange peak
I am not comfortable
but I am becoming numb


Oct. 27th, 2010

here I am again....

wow...livejournal....its been a long, long time....
things are certainly changed and changing for me...
in many ways I am just numb
so much needs to be done/and all must be done by me
::sigh:: I'm so damn tired...

in case anyone here does not know
Road-Dawg has a stroke on June 23rd
it was a very bad brain bleed
and there is quite a bit of "damage" we are trying to "live thru" here

some odd things I've taken notice of
aside from the obvious...like, he is paralyzed on the right side
and he has trouble thinking & remembering
he has become passive...non combative
at times, many times, he is very childlike
he worries *alot* about everything
strangely curious...his taste has changed
he used to be a "hot & spicey" guy
::when I say hot, I mean habanero hot::
now, he eats waffles almost every day with maple syrup
::something he would never eat before::
and he has only "tried" his hot sauce once since we got home...

he has some strange OCD/ADD things that pop out every now and then
::the bleed occured in the basal ganglia
the part of the brain where they believe these type of behaviors originate::
these may have always been there
but now they are more obvious

its difficult on so many levels
I don't really think anyone can fully understand unless they have dealt with a similar brain injury
I'm not here for pity or help really
I guess I just need to talk every now and then
maybe it will help me, maybe it won't
does it really matter?

I will tell you this...
so many things really *don't* matter
it's difficult to explain
and I really hope none of you ever have to realize this
in the same manner I have.

Apr. 27th, 2010

one of those "double-damn daze"...pt 1

started yesterdaze, in the shower...
I thought I would recolor my hair, reddish brown of course...
a good idea, but the shower gremlins do tend to hate me as much as I hate them
so
I start the water with my lovely steam-punk vise grips custom shower handle,
get the temp right
climb in & turn on the shower which sprays cold water all over me
until the warm water finally starts coming out
I turn...
knock the small already opened pkt of after color conditioner into the tub
step down, directly on the pkt of course
discharging all of my precious conditioner all over the tub
so, I bend over
and try to scoot the plop of conditioner to the other end of the tub
so it doesn't get rinsed down the drain
meanwhile
the hair color is now rinsing into both of my eyes...
my eyes are on *fire* now,
but
I am still trying to scoot the precious conditioner
until finally, I can no longer see becoz of the intense burning...
I turn and put my face under the shower trying to blast the burning chemicals out of my eyes
and I begin to scrub and rinse the color out of my hair
then
when my hair is as rinsed as its gonna be
I bend over again and scoop up my sad little pile of precious conditioner
and plop it onto my head
::this is really a very sad moment here..so pause and think about it...okay::
my eyes are still burning, but i did save enuff conditioner to save my hair from being straw
finally I am out and free of the horrible shower gremlins
my head is wrapped in a towel
and I am dressed
Road-Dawg sees me and says....
"wow, we need to change the filter on the shower! ...your eyes are really red from the chlorine!"
I just nodded and said,
"yes, yes we do."
::its easier than trying to explain::

Jun. 7th, 2009

ghetto consequences...


the damn gangbangers have succeeded in demolishing part of my wall out back...so now my backyard is open to the ally
um, yay?

May. 8th, 2009

the moon...

um
has anyone else noticed that this full moon is...
eh, I can't put it into words easily
except like I said on facebook
it's like
a big whirlpool
sucking the energies out of me

the power
it is shifting again
::it makes my blood throb inside my head::
(no, it's not just my horrible abcessed molar :-P)
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Apr. 7th, 2009

Pet Diaries

(got this from my dad)

 What Pets Write in their diaries.......

 Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......


 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary..


Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
 They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

 The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

 Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
 Bastards.

 There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
 placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
 I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I
 must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
 tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
 snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe. For now................

--------------------------------

lolz...I still want the cat doormat that sez something like:

"help, I'm being held captive and all I get to eat is dry food and water"

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Apr. 3rd, 2009

still here

well
after we spent like $300 on tires, the damn car broke
and we had to replace a CV something on the front right wheel
another $200
plus
RD missed 2 full days of work  *and* tips
(tips are our food money...so we had only $27 for food this week, till next tuesday
thank gawd I stocked up on cat food and soymilk last week)

tax refund
if it wasn't gone already
it would def be gone now
I got nothing as usual
the car cock-blocked me from getting my morelle mushroom growing kit
I hate cars
one of the many reasons I still do not drive
money sucking planet poisoning mechanical killing machines

I've been thinking of katrina for the past few weeks
like all the time
today it dawned on me that she died just over 2 years ago
killed in that car accident
damn...2 years

RD's face is slowly losing all the scabs from falling up the stairs
it's gross
but it looks a little better now
no
I def do not want to kiss him...yet

my calender sez:
GIVE UP.
At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like a bigger loser.

lol...I love that

Mar. 17th, 2009

Happy Birthdaze sister!



beware of the orange fur-people!

Mar. 16th, 2009

Pizza delivery Ettiquette

::ahem::
as many of us float woefully along in these poor economic times
some of us are taking jobs that are not our first choice
they are not our profession
but they *are* how our bills are getting paid
(or at least part of our bills)

my 45 year old husband
a stagehand, rigger, fork-op by trade
also with 10+ years exp. in middle management
(retail and food service)
has had to take more and more hours working as a pizza delivery guy at a local restaurant
there simply are no other jobs

I would like the pizza eating population to consider these things:

*please*
tip the pizza guy as generously as you can afford to
and
the delivery charge
in most cases, does NOT got to the driver
the delivery charge is NOT the driver's tip
some restaurants give the driver part of that charge
(my husband get 65 cents of the 1.95 delivery charge, this barely covers his gasoline)
even a dollar is good people
again
the delivery charge does not go to the driver

when you call, know what you want to order
don't tell the guy who answers the phone "hold on"
and then scream into the phone and at your household
"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT??"
use your phone manners...you should never scream while on the telephone

Don't order a delivery because you can't get out of your house
because...
you have a foot or so of snow on your steps and porch and walk and driveway
or
maybe there is a pond from the road to your front door because the river has flooded
If you cannot get out of your house,
why would you make someone else walk through that mess to bring you food?

Don't call for delivery if your house has no house numbers...
and then get angry because the driver can't find your house.
Buy some house numbers, they are not that expensive.

Turn on your porch light.
It is easier to find your house numbers with some light.
How do you expect someone to count change in the dark?

Do not send a 3 year old to the front door to get the food with a check for the driver.
They cannot carry the king size pizza & 2 liter of pop  you ordered.
and every driver knows that when a 3 year old answers the door, he is not getting a tip...
you are not fooling anyone.

Take your dog off the front porch when you order the pizza.

Don't tell the driver, you wish you could afford to give him a tip but you can't, because you are as poor as he is...
no you're not, because we can't afford to buy carry out food, even with the discount we get....and you just ordered a $30. pizza for chrissake!

Don't take a shower or got to the store right after you order the pizza.
The driver does not want to drive to your house 2 or 3 times because you can't answer the door or you are not at home.

After you hang up the phone, get your money and coupons ready for the driver.
Don't make him stand in the pouring rain/freezing cold/etc while you run around indoors looking for money....be prepared.

If you are ordering from your job/place of business, be ready for the driver when he arrives
or give your money to someone else who can be ready.
Many times the driver wastes time waiting at a factory gate or standing at a reception desk for the person who ordered the food.
what...you are busy because you are at work?
so is the delivery driver...you are not their only delivery and every moment wasted waiting for you is lost money for the driver.

It just takes a little bit of preparation and good manners to be recognized as a decent human being....when you do nothing, you not only treat others without respect...you also make yourself look very bad and believe me, we have your address on file at the pizza place, with notes.
Maybe that's why your delivery is taking so long?
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