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Pet Diaries

(got this from my dad)

 What Pets Write in their diaries.......

 Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......


 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary..


Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
 They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

 The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

 Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
 Bastards.

 There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
 placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
 I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I
 must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
 tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
 snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe. For now................

--------------------------------

lolz...I still want the cat doormat that sez something like:

"help, I'm being held captive and all I get to eat is dry food and water"

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