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here I am again....

wow...livejournal....its been a long, long time....
things are certainly changed and changing for me...
in many ways I am just numb
so much needs to be done/and all must be done by me
::sigh:: I'm so damn tired...

in case anyone here does not know
Road-Dawg has a stroke on June 23rd
it was a very bad brain bleed
and there is quite a bit of "damage" we are trying to "live thru" here

some odd things I've taken notice of
aside from the obvious...like, he is paralyzed on the right side
and he has trouble thinking & remembering
he has become passive...non combative
at times, many times, he is very childlike
he worries *alot* about everything
strangely curious...his taste has changed
he used to be a "hot & spicey" guy
::when I say hot, I mean habanero hot::
now, he eats waffles almost every day with maple syrup
::something he would never eat before::
and he has only "tried" his hot sauce once since we got home...

he has some strange OCD/ADD things that pop out every now and then
::the bleed occured in the basal ganglia
the part of the brain where they believe these type of behaviors originate::
these may have always been there
but now they are more obvious

its difficult on so many levels
I don't really think anyone can fully understand unless they have dealt with a similar brain injury
I'm not here for pity or help really
I guess I just need to talk every now and then
maybe it will help me, maybe it won't
does it really matter?

I will tell you this...
so many things really *don't* matter
it's difficult to explain
and I really hope none of you ever have to realize this
in the same manner I have.


I'm sending a cyber hug. I cannot even begin to imagine what you and he are going through. My heart goes out to you.
Well I do know some what like. i got 2 section that aredead. my personality changed an I got OCD as well. the sleep walking was even worse. i still do it today. the house just ingornes me now when bang about the place. yes some tast for food goes as well. then about 13 year after the fact. my personalty changes again in ways still trying figurer out and so do me tast of food as well. i lost 2 year of life when that happpend. but the hugh difficuly of walking changes as well. I was able to start walk with cane or staff for peroid of time. i got some more strenght from as well. they were never able find out what went on my head when i had brain gurgle. i went few doc but know new what happen i got more mobility then before. and i didn't have to use the wheel chair. i knew that needed when first happen but after few year when go places and neeeded to get normal time. they push me about or when i got to tired had they want to do this or that. back to the chair. That after the gurgle i didn't need it, that good for me that was sure. but when we meet your saw what took many year to do and still i have many year to go an must do phycial therapay daily with yoga as well. or more legs an arms starrt pull inward and up ward as well.i still don't talk all that well either i slip up make misstake as well. same with writing things out. i was odd ball before virus eat my brain spinal collum an then knock immune system as well. i just hope road dog get back brushwood for the time around the fire circle will help. it did for me. my you find some time for self and heal and deal with as well. it isn't just hime that happed as well. you both been together so long that happend to you as well. i hard for some to figurer that out.but from what i know you light will shine threw and help you along the way